Keep Traditions and Memories Alive

This Christmas may be the very first one with an empty place at the dinner table or missing the boisterous laughter you could pick out of a crowd of a thousand people. Let’s face it. The holidays are among the hardest times for the grieving heart. My passion is grief support. I recognize that anyone reading this experiences grief in a way that is uniquely your own. No one “knows exactly how you feel” (and it is offensive when someone tells you that they do, isn’t it?). Some loathe the thought of decorating for Christmas after a loss. Entering any store, you are flooded with decorations, Christmas music and the constant reminder that it is just going to land so differently this year. May I suggest something? Maintain the traditions. Possibly start a new one. Speak their name. They are not as far away as you might think (but that’s for another discussion).
Here is my favorite Christmas tradition my kids loved more than anything straight up through their teenage years. When we would put out decorations, right after Thanksgiving, we would set up the Nativity Scene with all the pieces except the baby Jesus. Why? He hasn’t been born yet! On Christmas Eve, after putting the kids to bed, I would stay up and write clues on the back of about 25 stars I would cut out of construction paper. My kids were now the “wisemen” following the star to find the baby Jesus! The hunt begins with a star on the tree. It might say “Where does Mommy dry your clothes?” They would look at each other, gasp, “I know!” and they would run to the laundry room, open the dryer, and there was another star that said “Find a picture of Daddy holding a fish.” “That’s in the living room!” There’s another star until they would find the treasure: the baby Jesus. I always wondered what the neighbors thought when they would hear my children running through the house screaming with delight, “We found Jesus!!”
Every year, I had to make it better and more challenging than the previous year. Soon I was writing limericks and challenging clues. Believe it or not, this tradition was in demand even when they started driving. So now, the stars would be hidden across town! We also made Monkey Bread and my Mamaw’s caramel puffcorn. I miss those years. But do you see what just happened? You are likely smiling as I shared this with you. Some of you may even try it. If you choose not to decorate or celebrate because your heart is unspeakably heavy, is that going to make you less sorrowful? I started “Mourning Into Dancing” because I care about celebrating life. I speak at funerals all over the place and I never get tired of hearing funeral directors tell me, “We never hear so much laughter coming out of our chapel than when you do services here!” I would love to share more with you. I am so excited about working with Sabrina Young and her talented staff at Young’s Daughters Funeral Home and Bereavement Center and I would love to share more with you. Let’s have a conversation. Until then, decorate. Celebrate. Hide and find the Baby Jesus. Say their name. Laugh. Cry. Remember. Celebrate life. Merry Memorable Christmas.
Jason Harris is the author of “Good Grief. Celebrate Your Life” and is a certified funeral celebrant, aftercare specialist and is very passionate about grief support. Learn more about him at www.speakerjason.com.